And then she said.....

The past 24hrs seem to have presented itself with an unusual amount of strange conversations in my house.....

In the parking lot of a certain sporting goods store...

Mai - Are the Dicks bigger here or in Virginia do you think ?

Me - Well, the Dicks here are pretty big, but remember that huge one in VA....

Inside aforementioned sporting goods store...

Me - Do you need a sports bra for volleyball ?

Mai - I don't know...?

Me - Well, do your juggies jiggle when you jump ?

Mai - Bwahahahahahaha

From the back of my car....

Friend of Mai - Have you ever pulled a big hair out of your butt crack ?

Mai - WHAT ? EWWWWW? NO?

Discussing tomorrows lunch plans...

Me - We'll bring a picnic

Cal - We'll have to find the cooler

Me - If we make sandwiches in the morning they'll be fine

Cal - I like my meat cold

Me - BWAHAHAHAHAAHA

Cal - omg....

Making a snack....

Finn - I can cut the cheese myself

Me - Why don't I help

Finn - Wow, you're really good at cutting the cheese...how did you get so good

Me - Well I've been cutting the cheese a lot longer than you have...

We're just here for the design ideas....

I'm not sure what normal families do when they have an afternoon with nothing on the agenda, it's a week before payday and you're out of money but you want to do something fun....but I know one of the things we do.....

MODEL HOMES!!!!

Glass of wine for Momma...

We have no intention of ever buying a house....well unless we win the lottery!

A shower big enough for the whole fam damily...

and honestly we're not really there to steal design ideas....but that's what we tell the nice realtors.

Breakfast in bed m'lady

And we don't even take pictures of things for our dream home....

Lunch is served...

BUT

we love to play pretend....:)

And pole dance ?????????

If in doubt...twerk it out!

I'll take a clementine izzy please bartender..

We've never got caught being complete idiots....

which is shocking really because we don't hold back at all.....

Naptime..

And this time we were told at a few places, help yourselves to treats, there are drinks in the fridge...score!

Her treat haul...

My children find it very theraputic to explore other peoples homes...lol

"And how does that free lollipop make you feel?"

Typing up her notes....

And my girl will make me fake tea....she won't make me real tea, I think it's because I'm English...that's a lot of pressure!

More tea vicar ?

But mostly we just like to pretend all these awesome, ridiculously expensive houses are ours, wave our freak flags a little bit, enjoy a free soda & have some good old family fun...

Wave that flag kiddos....

Thanks to the homes at Flying Horse and Cordera for our afternoon o'fun.

What's new pussycat ?

In life there are some things you just can't unsee...the lady at your sons old preschool with ginormous boobs who wore somewhat cropped tops & preferred to be braless or when the tiny hole in your brothers pj pants turns out to be not so tiny as he bends over in front of you...

Other things just make you think "WHAT THE F#@$"

And that is the category today's post falls into....

It started earlier in the year, Cal & I were wandering Target and I saw leggings...Mai needed leggings so I went to inspect the options a little closer...

I give you WHAT THE F#@$ exhibit A

"Nice whiskers"

I'm sorry but that strategically placed white tiger is WRONG....just WRONG!!!!

I sent Mai the pic and offered to purchase them but she assured me I didn't need too....

Fast forward a couple of weeks and now Mai and I are cruising Target....

WHAT THE F#@$ exhibit B

Me: OMG MAI LOOK!!!!!!

Mai: omg leggings with pussy cats on them...

Me: Snickering....omg they're pussy pants...

Mai: (thinking...thinking...) OMG THAT'S BAAAAAAAAAAD

Oh dear God the little kitty tongue......

And these were in the kids section!

These two discoveries inspired a quest for other inappropriate cat items...the next  item was not clothing.....but was equally disturbing, I give you

WHAT THE F@#$ exhibit C

Yes...you read that correctly...

CRAFTING WITH CAT HAIR!!!

HOW GROSS IS THAT!!!!

Collect a mound of cat hair....omg....gag!

And yes...we found it at the library!!! And because I'm a smidge cruel I put it on hold and then sent Cal in to pick it up.....lolololol.

The saddest part is that it's now overdue & I owe a fine on this gem!

omg, nice mound of pussy hair you've got there...

omg just read that out loud & now can't stop laughing...

YOU TOO can create a portrait of your kitty with it's own hair ??????

Christmas gifts for all....pussy mittens...snort...omg, it's too much!

Alas we do not have a cat, perhaps I should consider buying this instead, I'd borrow it from the library but it was already checked out of ours!!!!!!!!

Knit your own cat!

If you happen to be the lucky owner of a feline friend and you're feeling crafty then Barnes and Noble to the rescue!

Crafting with cat hair....meow!

And no conversation like this would be complete without my favorite Christmas ornament spotting of 2013...no Christmas tree is complete with the

CHRISTMAS BEAVER!

Perhaps if you're talented enough you could knit a beaver from your pussy cats hair....

If you do....I want to see!

Interview with a 5yr old...

Finn turned 5 this weekend, obviously now he's a very wise young fella so I caught up with him this afternoon to ask some very important questions....

Me: Good afternoon Finley, how are you ?

Finn: Fine...

Me: Can you tell us what your favorite color is ?

Finn: Gold

Me: What super power would you want and why ?

Finn: To be strong, so I could beat Batman

Me: Do you have a girlfriend ?

Finn: No

Me: What is your favorite song ?

Finn: Minecraft style

Me: Can you show me your favorite dance move ? 

Finn: Sure

Me: What's your best joke ? 

Finn: It's a knock knock joke..

Knock Knock 

Who's there ?

Mountain

Mountain who ?

Mountain head (laughs hysterically)

Me: What is your favorite food 

Finn: Nutella and bread

Me: What car do you want when you are bigger and why ? 

Finn: A gold limbo (limo) because they're cool and have lots of space to fit people

Me: If we could have a pool full of anything what would you choose ? 

Finn: Candy

Me: What is your favorite toy ?

Finn: My Bowser car

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up ?

Finn: A stuffed animal man

Me: What is your favorite number and why? 

Finn: 1 million because it's the highest I've counted too...one zero zero

Me: Ummmm that's one hundred

Finn: They're the same

Me: If you could be any animal what would you be & why ?

Finn: A bunny, they hop high

Me: Who is your best friend

Finn: Finn (his friend at school, not himself!)

Me: What is your favorite TV show ?

Finn: Ninjago

Me: How many brains do you have ?

Finn: Two, there's a mind brain & a big brain

Me:  Can you explain that to me ?

Finn: No

Me: How were you born ?

Finn: I hatched out of an egg

Me:  How old am I ?

Finn: 22

Me: Where does Santa live ?

Finn: In the North Pole, it's safe for him there

Me: What makes you happy ?

Finn: Feeding chickens at the zoo

Me: What makes you sad ?

Finn: When you guys are mean to me (note..disagreeing with him is considered mean)

Me: What do you like best about Callum ? 

Finn: He can beat up Sissy & I help

Me: What do you like best about Maisie ?

Finn: That she lets me into her room.....sometimes

Me: What do you like best about Mommy ?

Finn: Baking chocolate chip cookies with you

Me: Can you describe your perfect day ?

Finn: Bacon for breakfast, play games, a nutella and bread for lunch, build puzzles, spaghetti and meatballs for dinner

Me: What time would your bedtime be ?

Finn: 6.30

Me: roflmao....

Finn: are we done ?

Me: yes, thank you for your time :)

Interviewer - Momma

Photographers - Momma & Maisie

Sideline hecklers - Maisie & Callum

Anyone got a heat lamp we can borrow ?

It started out so innocently...a project seen on Pinterest, science and fun all rolled into one....and then we went shopping!

I'll set the scene for you, the pet store is next to the Natural Grocer store which was our ultimate destination but when a cute boy bats his eyelashes you agree to the pet store first...we cruised by the rats, birds, fish, watched doggy daycare and then he batted his eyes again and we went to see the cats...

I've recently developed a mild cat allergy, no biggie unless there's 15 of them in an 4x10 room and then well.....it's a biggie! I lasted about 3 minutes and came out looking I had a serious drug habit, eyes watering, nose running, rubbing my nose like a crazy person...you get the picture!

And off to the Natural Grocer we went, the Natural Grocer in Colorado...a state where certain things that are illegal elsewhere might just be legal!  I'd now started itching all over my face...of course I couldn't find what I needed so had to ask for help....this is how that went down!

Me - Hi, can you tell me where I can find wheat grass seeds ?

Guy - Sure, follow me, what are you growing them for ?

Finn - We're growing weed grass...

Guy - ?????

Me - Wheat, honey, not weed (itching nose like a maniac)

Finn - I said that, we're growing WEEEEEEEEED grass...

Guy - ????????

Me - It's called wheat grass not weed, that's something else and we're not growing it....(scratch, itch, sniff)

Finn - UGH...mumble....WEED...mutter...GRASS...mumble...in a POT...

Me - Wheat grass and we are growing it IN A POT....(scratching face off)

Guy (now looking at the scene in front of him very suspiciously) - Here it is....how much do you need ?

Finn - We need a lot, we're growing weed grass for a project....

Me - (ready to be cuffed and taken to jail) Just one packet please.....

Guy - Can I help you with anything else ?

Finn - I want a snack do you have chips Momma can I have chips I need a snack I'm hungry Momma can I get a snack ?

We politely ditch the guy and head in search of snacks.....of course the guy then gets moved from helping crazies to being the only freakin' register open...

Finn - Momma, do you have the pot ?

Me - (smiling weakly, scratching like a lunatic, muttering something about don't you just love kids) What pot ?

Finn - The pot for the weed grass....

We made it home without being busted for anything and got to work on project "lets grow WHEAT grass in cute containers to nestle Easter eggs in to look pretty" 

Waiting....I told him it grew fast....big mistake!

(Yes he's wearing a collared shirt and dino pj pants....I don't ask anymore)

And then Cal & Mai arrived home...

Finn - Look what we did, we're growing wheat ? (YES!!!)

Cal - Been playing a little too much Minecraft ? (Evidently they grow wheat in minecraft...)

Mai - WHAT ? Did he say you're growing weed ?

Me- O.M.G. WHEAT people....WHEAT!

Mai - Jeez...ok!

So to clarify....we are NOT growing weed, grass or pot...there is nobody or nothing going by the name Mary Jane in my house, nor is Aunt Mary visiting...

Since then our wheat has flourished, Finn likes to wake me at 7am to tell me how much it grew overnight..

I won't lie when I say I'm a smidge concerned by conversations he may be having with his teachers regarding this project...

Parent teacher conferences are next week...I'm sure no matter what it will be interesting..

Seriously it grew 1/4" in 4hrs!

So if you're thinking this looks like a fun kid project....it is...I just suggest going alone to buy those seeds!