Anatomically correct states....

Finn is learning about States in preschool, it's VERY exciting....we've pulled out maps and state puzzles at home, he's coloring states at school, pointing them out in the giant map rug at the library...like I said...VERY EXCITING!

He's getting better each day at naming them and knowing where they go, he's had Colorado, Virginia, Texas and California figured out for a while so we're working on the others...he's added the Seattle State to his list of ones he knows this week....he's a bit excited for the Superbowl!
Go Broncos!

So today after he had put in his mandatory 30 minutes temple run play time, he moved on to puzzles as I cleaned the kitchen....

Finn: Mooooooooooooooom
Me: Yes
Finn: Where does the penis state go ?
Me: Ummmmm....the what?
Finn: THE PENIS STATE
Me: Florida ???
Finn: No the one with the penis
Me: Well Florida looks a bit like a penis are you sure it's not that one ?
Finn: No it  doesn't look like a penis, there's a picture of a penis on it!
Me: (in my head) What freakin' puzzle did I buy my 4yr old that has a penis on it ??????
Finn: Mooooooooooooooooooooom...which one is it ?
Me: Can you bring it to show me...?
Finn: Ugh, fine.....mumble mumble Mom doesn't know the penis state....

And this is what he showed me....

The PEANUTS state....

We are now working on our pronunciation of peanuts so as to avoid any number of snack food awkward situations.....

I like my "peanuts" salty!.......Do you have jumbo "peanuts"?...... Lets open up a can of "peanuts"

You get the idea!

I'm going to add stressful....

Yesterday was my first physical therapist appointment to try and fix my back and shoulder.....my backs been out of whack for yrs (like 20), the shoulder is a new addition to keep things interesting...

(We laugh in the face of car stress)

After filling out about 300 forms the PT poked, prodded and massaged & then watched me walk, I declined to mention this was the most action I'd had in a couple of yrs, she was young, I didn't want to scare her or provoke her to hurt me more than she probably will in the coming weeks.......

(Stuck on a log!)

She went over my medical history & then wrote down some notes, then asked about home life, I told her I was a single Mom, currently not working, had 3 kids....her notes read:

Single mother
3 children
Stress

(Why would I ever be stressed?)

She panicked when she saw me reading it "Oh...I'm sorry, I just assumed" "No problem, you assumed correctly" I assured her..

(Stress ? Don't all bathrooms look like this ?)

I guess if she ever reads this she'll get a glimpse of some of the stress being a Mom of 3 brings, single parenthood brings an entirely new dimension of stress which I try and ignore but sometimes it's loud & ugly....

(Markers....aka face paint!)

My little brood of stress inducers seem to thrive on crazy, we do it very well, it's something we're quite proud of..

(Shock therapy stress you out ?)

Alas the PT seems to think stress could be contributing to my "crunchy" back....I'm not a medical professional but I'm pretty sure that when ones bones and muscles are described as crunchy that can't be an entirely good situation...

(Not stressful that she reenacts the last of the Mohicans scene on any & all treacherous ravines)

She asked me to tighten my core while she laid her hand on my stomach....after I stopped laughing, she asked me to do it again...."whenever you're ready" she said....I quietly mumbled that I was doing it but when you've had 3 c-sections with vertical incisions then those stomach muscles are really just flapping around in the wind, maybe they're crunchy, but they sure as heck aren't tightening! She sighed politely and whispered "we'll work on that"

(The sign says it all)

Evidently my right leg is stronger than the left so all kicking will be done with the left from now on, not that I kick or scream frequently....but if I do, it will be with my left leg!

The words core, strength and flexibility were thrown around a lot....I won't lie, I'm a smidge nervous! 

I will be at the torture chamber PT clinic 3 times a week for 5 weeks!!!!!!!!!

And Fridays will be with Tony, which I'm ok with but a look of fear crossed the face of the receptionist when she said "I can only fit you in with Tony on Friday....is that ok"...Be gentle Tony!

I told the kids I need to reduce my stress level in order to not be crunchy, they said ok....I think they were mocking me.

For now I have a giant X taped on my back, apparently when I slouch the tape pulls and reminds me to put my shoulders back and have good posture, it's not working so far, however it is itchy and trying to manoeuvre my shady shoulder to scratch it with a butter knife could possibly count as becoming more flexible so perhaps that was their plan to start with.....

And while they attempt to fix me, I will remain unstressed by children who have an odd obsession with Christmas cookies decorated to look like maimed animals

Being bilingual!

I grew up in a far off land....ok it was England but judging by the price of airline tickets these days it's a very very very far off land!

My kids have grown up bilingual with English and American and most of the time don't even bat an eyelid when something terribly English comes out of my mouth. I grew up in Yorkshire, well know for it's delightful dialect (think Daisy and Mrs Patmore from Downton Abbey). When I married my Ex my Mum gave him a Yorkshire phrase book to help, it most definitely came in handy!

There are days however when I realize my kids aren't quite as bilingual as I think they are...like today!

It all began with a game of rhyming dominoes that Santa brought us for Christmas, poor Finn was confused from the start, since when do straight candy cane and rooster rhyme ???? When you're in England of course!

And when your teens overhear the conversation unaware of what you're doing it just adds to the fun...

Finn: I can't go

Me: Yes you can, match the colors and you'll find something that rhymes with cock

Cal: Ummmmmm....what are you playing ?

Finn: I found one but it's a candy cane, candy cane and cock don't rhyme

Cal: Are you sure that's an appropriate game for Finn?

Me: In England this isn't called a candy cane, it's a stick of rock and rock rhymes with cock

Cal: SERIOUSLY!!!! Will everyone stop saying that word...

You pay bail to get someone out of jail, which would work in American rhyming dominoes, but our bail is the little wooden piece on top of the cricket stumps...knock that guy off and you're out!

Serious concentration....(funnily enough the English name for a matching game)

Frustration....(also a game...known as Trouble in the US!)

I will say that strap threw me off...I mean that's clearly a belt but evidently this game was originally created for badly behaved children who recognized it as a strap they were beaten with....

I love that the bat is a cricket bat too, maybe Santa can bring us a cricket set this year and we can confuse Finn even more...

All in all I think the English 101 lesson went "reet gud with our Finn", I am however thankful that he no longer goes to preschool on a farm like he did in VA or the phrase "look look I see a big cock" could have landed us in some hot water!

#1 Ingredient,,,,,

Since moving to Colorado last summer and having to learn how to bake all over again I’ve discovered the #1 ingredient in all recipes is creativity! Unless you have a tried and true recipe it’s really a crapshoot…. and even then it’s a crapshoot!

Today I decided to whip up some of my bff’s family recipe of Johnnycake, don’t call it cornbread…it’s not and they’ll kick your ass for saying so.

As I got ready to serve dinner the following conversation took place…

Cal: What did you do to the Johnnycake?

Me: Nothing

Cal: Ummmmm, that’s not nothing

Me: I don’t know what you mean

Cal: It’s…..well…..it’s….

Me: It’s lucky, that’s what it is, lucky Johnnycake…make a wish!

Cal: You couldn’t shape it like a clover? Or a rabbits foot?

Me: Nope…. lucky horseshoe Johnnycake.

High Altitude baking 101 - Go with the flow and hope you get lucky!

I think Sass is heredity...

After months of badgering from those who I think love me dearly and want the best for me (or are sick of me bothering them on FB with my endless stories of life on my own personal crazy train) I declare this blog open.....

I've read about how to start a blog...have direction, focus, know what your blog is going to be about....I don't even have those things in my every day life so I'm certain I'm not going to pull that off in a blog, so I'm just going to do it....

Lets start with a conversation with my personal assistant, Finley..age 4 3/4

Finn: What does weigh mean?
Me: It means how much something weighs, or how heavy something is..
Finn: Hmmmmm....

a few minutes pass....

Finn: Momma, how much do I weigh ?
Me: You weighed 35lbs last time we went to the Dr
Finn: Cool, how much do you weigh ?
Me: More than that....
Finn: How much more ?
Me: Ladies don't tell how much they weigh..
Finn: Why ? Can't you count that high ?
Me: Thanks bud....yes I can count that high, its just not good manners to ask a lady how much she weighs
Finn: You can ask my Dr, maybe he can count that high....

And so I blog.....and eat a chocolate chip cookie, maybe more than one but I can't count that high!